Summertime!

We have been very busy for the last few weeks. Both Ethan and I finished started our summer on May 27th! Sylvia is still working and so is Jack. We do still have to get up early two days a week for my niece and nephew who come over while their mom works! Ethan enjoys playing with his cousins and we have been on a few outings having fun. I have completed two of the three days for a workshop this week that has been very interesting. I have a two day workshop next week and then that is all done! I also found out that one other hospital is covering 95% of my bills, so now I am down to just 4 medical bills. I have two doctors that I need to pay, the ambulance and the hospital that didn’t treat me correctly. I am still in discussion with them, because I got my medical records and there are NO doctor’s notes for the first visit. I just have more time to do the research now!

Ethan has a few doctors he needs to see in the next few weeks. I have met my out of pocket limit so I am going to see the eye doctor and visit my gynecologist about menopause! My insurance year starts over on Sept. 1st so I have to get in what I can now. Even my prescriptions are $0.00. Having to go to the ER seven times which included two CT scans, lots of lab work, ultrasounds, a HIDA scan and many other things is not the way to get free medical care, but it is what it is! I know most people complain about their health insurance, and believe me there are things I don’t like about mine, but I am glad I had it for this situation.

Sylvia and I celebrated one year of marriage this month. We went out to eat and had a great time. We have actually been together since the Fall of 2010, so almost seven years. I am so glad we were able to marry!

The summer is already going by so fast. My mom is having surgery in a few weeks so I’ll be helping her with that. i plan on taking Ethan to see my sister and nephew, so that will be a fun few days. I have made myself just SIT and watch some movies….which isn’t easy. I like to stay busy.

I also want to say that I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER. I know that sounds weird, but I think I finally have my stamina back since having the surgery. I am walking at least 10,000 steps. This all started about a week after I finished school.

Well, this has been a rambling post, but there was lots to share.

Feeling Blessed

I found out today that one of the hospitals approved my financial assistance. They looked at my income tax returns that Sylvia and I did together. They looked at all of my hospital bills from all of the hospitals and covered 95% of my bills. This is such a relief. They will send me a letter that I can show one of the other hospitals and that should help me get assistance there. I still have the ambulance bill and two doctors from the Fall visits, but this helps so much. I wasn’t sure if I would get the assistance, but I sent them ALL of my bills so they could see how much I have had to deal with. Feeling very blessed tonight! Sylvia is on her way home from work. I haven’t even told her yet!

Two Weeks Post Op

It has been two weeks since my gall bladder surgery and I still get tired by 7:00 most nights. I ended up being home an entire week from work. I was back in the ER the Thursday after surgery in pain again, but this time it was a urinary tract infection. I went back to work this past Monday and did pretty good, but had to lay down when I got home from work. This happened again on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I was feeling really good, but went to bed around 8:30 and crashed hard. I was in bed by 9:00 last night. I am watching what I eat and have found that I have to eat smaller portions. I am really ready to be back to 100% but I know it takes time. My stepmom told me that anesthesia can affect you for up to a month. Sylvia has taken very good care of me and put me to bed when I needed it. The boys have been pretty good, but they are typical young men….CLUELESS. I go see the surgeon this Tuesday for a check up and then we should be good from there. OH, I got my bloodwork results back from the gynecologist and it confirmed that I am in menopause. I am not sure if I will look at hormone therapy or not. Right now, my body doesn’t feel right for a lot of reasons!

Family

I still have not talked to my father since he upset my sister with his phone call about our mother being a liar. I reached out to him a few weeks ago in a text and went on this tirade about her again and that he can’t believe I am willing to alienate him over this. My much younger sister, who is really my half sister, decided she would message me today and tell me that I should mend things with our father. I asked her to stay out of it, which of course she didn’t and called both my father and me immature. Well, let’s just say I gave her an earful about how I have been hurt by him. She is young, there is at least a 25 year age difference, and so I know she doesn’t understand. This is not easy for me. I just can’t let myself be hurt again. I suggested she have him write me a letter and that he needs to admit he didn’t pay child support. This has festered for a long time. He has said stupid things and I have kept my mouth shut to keep the peace. I am tired of being the one to keep peace. I am getting to old to have to keep up a charade and not be me. I am not saying I will never speak to him again, but for now I just won’t. I can’t.

Simple Life

Sylvia and I lead a very simple life. I work a typical school day and also do some mystery shopping on the weekends. Sylvia teaches also, but not in a school district. Her work day varies from day to day based on when a student needs a lesson. She doesn’t get home until 8:00 some nights, but her work day may have started at 10:00 am. This is just how things are for us. It is nice int he summer when I am off and we can see each other more, because I don’t have to leave for work. This is also true for the holidays and she is even off more around this time of year. However, we tend to be home bodies and we don’t go out much. We have a small group of friends that we go to dinner with. We did go to Christmas party this last Saturday and had a good time. We will go to a friend’s house on New Year’s Eve for a party as well.

I just wonder if we should do more together. She doesn’t like going to the movies so we don’t do that. We will go off for a weekend when we take Ethan to his special needs camp in March. We usually find something we can do together on that weekend. I sometimes wish one of us had a more adventurous spirit that would encourage the other one to go off and just have an adventure. It doesn’t have to be exotic or dangerous, just something we can do together.

If you have any ideas for me, please do share them!!!! Merry Christmas!

My Follow Up Appointment with the Doctor

Sylvia went with me to see my gynecologist today. I wanted her there to hear my options regarding my recent “female issues” that involved trips to the emergency room. This was our first trip to a doctor together that didn’t involve the emergency room. The doctor explained that I could try hormone replacement, but I am not having night sweats or any symptoms like that. I have not had the severe cramps since late October, so that is a good thing. My main issue is my HEAVY period when it does rear its ugly head. I feel like a teenage girl who never knows when it will arrive and how heavy will it be. I don’t mind having a period, but what I do mind is having an accident. It was really heavy last month and quite gross…..and that is all I am going to say. I don’t think you all want to hear the gory details. We did discuss a hysterectomy and we decided to wait on that unless something more serious occurs again. I may also consider ablation which would remove the lining of the uterus, which would stop my periods or greatly lessen them. We discussed all of these options and one more! The doctor has prescribed me a medicine to take when my period starts that will keep it from getting too heavy. As soon as my period starts I will take two pills three times a day until my period ends. We will start there and see how it goes. I should actually be on my period right now, but it hasn’t showed….YET! I do skip sometimes.

I think we have a good plan and I was glad that Sylvia was there to hear all the options and the pros and cons of each. I am happy that she took the time to be with me and want to be there. It means a lot to me and I want to be there for her as well. I am off until January 2nd and she is down to just a few students then she will be off. I am glad this appointment is behind us and we will move on and see what happens!

More on my Father

My father finally reached out to my sister and apologized for how he acted. He called my number, and surprisingly the call came through even though I had blocked him (Jack and I are on the cloud with our phone numbers, so he had my dad saved as grandpa, so I think that is why it came through). I didn’t answer, but he left a message. He asked me to call him. I waited 24 hours and then texted him that I would call, but not right away. This has really been weighing on me the last few days. I have never truly felt that he has accepted me and Sylvia and our marriage.

I decided to text him instead of calling. I told him that I even before this thing with my sister, that I had not felt comfortable in his home. I told him that I could not be me when I was around him. I did bring in “the man” that is now our president elect and how he has spoken about handicap people (my son is handicapped) and how he has talked about women. I only brought him up to say BEFORE the election it was hard to be around him, but since the election I truly didn’t feel that I could be at his home where ALL of my family supported THIS MAN. I tried to make this about ME and HOW I feel. I also said that my wife didn’t like being at his home and that is why she rarely accompanied me to his house.

He responded after a while and said we should agree to disagree on the election results. He brought up HILLARY and that she supports abortion in the 9th month and that she support aborting handicapped babies. He said some other stuff and said that he has always accepted both Sylvia and I in his home. Long story short, I brought up some things he has said around us both and he denied saying them, basically calling Sylvia a liar. When I called him on it, not saying WHEN he said it, he replied with “that was 2 years ago, get over it”, so he does remember saying it. He also brought up the reason he called my sister and accused my mother of lying again.

I kept trying to address that I don’t feel accepted, and he just said he accepted me. However, what he says and what he does shows me otherwise. He then said he was DONE in a text. Now before you start to criticize about having this conversation through text, realize, that I have tried to have phone conversations on other issues with him in the past and they have not gone well. He wants me to just FORGET what has happened and what has been said and just act like nothing has happened. I have done that for several years, when he has ranted about how gays will NEVER be allowed to marry, when he has ranted about abortion, when he has wondered how my ex-husband can survive after paying child support, when he says he accepts me, but not the “lifestyle”. What the hell is the lesbian lifestyle. My two boys have done so much better with Sylvia being here.

This is a bit of a rambling post, but I have found my voice and I will not be quiet. I will not sit and be quiet when people support laws that limit my freedom, that limit my special needs son’s life….I will not be a victim anymore.

I’m Tired

I haven’t watched the national news since the night of the election. I just can’t bring myself to do it. It has been over two weeks since that orange man won and I still can’t believe it. I worry for the LGBT community. I worry for people with disabilities, people in poverty, people depending on SSI and for the elderly depending on social security. I don’t know what is wrong with this country and the people who think they are better than everyone else or think they can look down on people. I am tired. I am just plain tired. I think about my dad everyday, but I can’t bring myself to call him or even reach out to him. I have thought about writing him a letter, but I still don’t think he will understand. He sees me as a second class citizen because I am gay. He doesn’t think I am entitled to the benefits of living in America…the right to marry being the one that bothers me the most. I hope I can watch the news again and just fast forward through the depressing stuff. I hope I can want to stay informed so that orange man doesn’t ruin things. I just don’t want to be tired anymore. At least I am not crying anymore.

My Father

My father and I had managed to avoid discussing politics since Spring of last year. I know he is a Trump supporter and he knows he shouldn’t share politics with me. When same-sex marriage became legal I had to unfollow him on Facebook because of his rantings about the Supreme Court. I have forgiven him so many times through the years for what he said to me and for what he had done to our family when he divorced my mother. He never congratulated me on my wedding to Sylvia, and yet I tried to keep him in my life. He had called my younger sister to ask her opinion of my marriage, because again, he doesn’t support it. I cried everyday after Trump won, because I knew that I might “lose” my relationship with my father. My dad’s wife, my brother, my half brother and half sister, my dad’s sister (my aunt, of course) and several other members on that side of the family support Trump. I was already trying to make a plan in my head for Christmas. I would ask him to come to my house and see us, because I would not want to go and be up around everyone for fear when/if politics came up I would lose control of my mouth and there would be a horrible argument. Now I don’t even want to do that.

I posted my feelings about the election on Facebook. Nothing too bad. I was disappointed and I knew the holidays would be hard. Several friends responded and then my mom responded about me being a strong single mom until I met Sylvia and then something about how she could relate as a single mom and that she never got much child support. She later told me that she had responded to ONE person’s response and really thought no one else would see it, just the one person. Well someone saw it and told my dad. He then called my younger sister who doesn’t live close by and told her my mom had lied and he didn’t appreciate it. He then told her that he wasn’t calling me because he knew I was already upset with him. Well she gave him a lecture and a list of other things he had done. Of course, then I find out about it and I am not happy that he has upset my mother because she found out about it as well. I called him all upset to talk to him and he didn’t want to talk about it. I hung up on him and have blocked his phone number along with my step-mom’s number. Her sister tried to get involved and texted me and I told her to stay out of it.

On top of all of that, my brother called my mom to ask her to talk to me because HE voted for Trump and HE wanted me to know that Trump wasn’t going to try to change the law on same-sex marriage. My sister slipped and told me this. You know it is not just the law about same-sex marriage it is future laws that will allow business to discriminate against those in the LGBT community.

Needless to say, it has been a drama filled week. I am still not sure when or if I will speak to my dad again. He says he accepts me and Sylvia, but doesn’t approve of the lifestyle. He has also said that family shouldn’t have to apologize to family. I am trying to find peace in my heart so I can get through each day. How many times do I let my heart be broken by my father? I don’t know if I can take another heart break. It isn’t easy to know what to do.

And the Results are Finally IN!

The nurse from the gynecologist office called me yesterday with the results of my blood tests from two weeks ago. My thyroid is fine, but I am in early menopause! YEA! I guess this means I am not going crazy thinking my body is turning on me with cramps and such. The doctor had told me two weeks ago that I could be in early menopause, but she doubted it. However, she would still run the test and see! Well, I guess I am just lucky with the early arrival of menopause! The nurse asked if I would like to make an appointment to come in and discuss options since I have experienced some painful cramps. She said we could discuss hormone replacement or a hysterectomy. If I decide on surgery, it won’t be until the summer when I have more time off. I am going to talk with her about the hormone replacement and try that first. I have asked Sylvia to go with me. She thinks surgery is a bad idea, and I am not 100% sold on it either, but I am tired of having symptoms from my period each month. I don’t get the period every time, but I do suffer from symptoms. If the period does appear, it is for a day or so. I am hoping Sylvia will go with me so that she can hear everything first hand and ask any questions she has.