After Only a Week

After only a week in office, Trump has managed to irritate me beyond belief. If you are not a Trump supporter, then you know what I am talking about. The “Muslim ban” is the latest thing to have happened. I actually donated to the ACLU this weekend and plan on donating again next month. I wonder when he will come after the LGBT group, or people with disabilities, or any other group that doesn’t fit in with what he thinks is typical. If one more person tells me “to get over it” I may scream. I don’t have to get over it. This is a free country and I can have my opinion, even if you don’t like it. I don’t have anything eloquent to say, except I am already tired of HIM and his crap. Oh, my dad and I are talking, but not really. He says he has PROOF of child support so I asked to see it…..it has yet to appear. We shall see. I was willing to let it go, but he has pushed it that he has proof. All he had to say was, “I wish you would believe me, but you don’t. Let’s just put it behind us and move on”. However, he is like Trump in that he is going to keep saying HE IS RIGHT and YOU are WRONG, until I get tired of arguing…well that isn’t happening any more! Sorry for the rambling…tired and busy and not enough time to really collect my thoughts and write a meaningful post! Nite all!

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Family

I still have not talked to my father since he upset my sister with his phone call about our mother being a liar. I reached out to him a few weeks ago in a text and went on this tirade about her again and that he can’t believe I am willing to alienate him over this. My much younger sister, who is really my half sister, decided she would message me today and tell me that I should mend things with our father. I asked her to stay out of it, which of course she didn’t and called both my father and me immature. Well, let’s just say I gave her an earful about how I have been hurt by him. She is young, there is at least a 25 year age difference, and so I know she doesn’t understand. This is not easy for me. I just can’t let myself be hurt again. I suggested she have him write me a letter and that he needs to admit he didn’t pay child support. This has festered for a long time. He has said stupid things and I have kept my mouth shut to keep the peace. I am tired of being the one to keep peace. I am getting to old to have to keep up a charade and not be me. I am not saying I will never speak to him again, but for now I just won’t. I can’t.

I’m Tired

I haven’t watched the national news since the night of the election. I just can’t bring myself to do it. It has been over two weeks since that orange man won and I still can’t believe it. I worry for the LGBT community. I worry for people with disabilities, people in poverty, people depending on SSI and for the elderly depending on social security. I don’t know what is wrong with this country and the people who think they are better than everyone else or think they can look down on people. I am tired. I am just plain tired. I think about my dad everyday, but I can’t bring myself to call him or even reach out to him. I have thought about writing him a letter, but I still don’t think he will understand. He sees me as a second class citizen because I am gay. He doesn’t think I am entitled to the benefits of living in America…the right to marry being the one that bothers me the most. I hope I can watch the news again and just fast forward through the depressing stuff. I hope I can want to stay informed so that orange man doesn’t ruin things. I just don’t want to be tired anymore. At least I am not crying anymore.

My Father

My father and I had managed to avoid discussing politics since Spring of last year. I know he is a Trump supporter and he knows he shouldn’t share politics with me. When same-sex marriage became legal I had to unfollow him on Facebook because of his rantings about the Supreme Court. I have forgiven him so many times through the years for what he said to me and for what he had done to our family when he divorced my mother. He never congratulated me on my wedding to Sylvia, and yet I tried to keep him in my life. He had called my younger sister to ask her opinion of my marriage, because again, he doesn’t support it. I cried everyday after Trump won, because I knew that I might “lose” my relationship with my father. My dad’s wife, my brother, my half brother and half sister, my dad’s sister (my aunt, of course) and several other members on that side of the family support Trump. I was already trying to make a plan in my head for Christmas. I would ask him to come to my house and see us, because I would not want to go and be up around everyone for fear when/if politics came up I would lose control of my mouth and there would be a horrible argument. Now I don’t even want to do that.

I posted my feelings about the election on Facebook. Nothing too bad. I was disappointed and I knew the holidays would be hard. Several friends responded and then my mom responded about me being a strong single mom until I met Sylvia and then something about how she could relate as a single mom and that she never got much child support. She later told me that she had responded to ONE person’s response and really thought no one else would see it, just the one person. Well someone saw it and told my dad. He then called my younger sister who doesn’t live close by and told her my mom had lied and he didn’t appreciate it. He then told her that he wasn’t calling me because he knew I was already upset with him. Well she gave him a lecture and a list of other things he had done. Of course, then I find out about it and I am not happy that he has upset my mother because she found out about it as well. I called him all upset to talk to him and he didn’t want to talk about it. I hung up on him and have blocked his phone number along with my step-mom’s number. Her sister tried to get involved and texted me and I told her to stay out of it.

On top of all of that, my brother called my mom to ask her to talk to me because HE voted for Trump and HE wanted me to know that Trump wasn’t going to try to change the law on same-sex marriage. My sister slipped and told me this. You know it is not just the law about same-sex marriage it is future laws that will allow business to discriminate against those in the LGBT community.

Needless to say, it has been a drama filled week. I am still not sure when or if I will speak to my dad again. He says he accepts me and Sylvia, but doesn’t approve of the lifestyle. He has also said that family shouldn’t have to apologize to family. I am trying to find peace in my heart so I can get through each day. How many times do I let my heart be broken by my father? I don’t know if I can take another heart break. It isn’t easy to know what to do.

Our First Trip to the ER

Sylvia took me to the Emergency Room yesterday morning. We are both experiencing symptoms of pre-menopause….skipping periods, sweats at night, and for me cramps. I haven’t had cramps since I was a teenager. The last few times I have had a period, I have had cramping, but this time it was to the extreme. It started a week before I even got my period, which was a week late. My period arrived, and the cramps got worse. I stayed home from work a week ago Friday and my family doctor gave me some pain meds. They worked, but the cramps were never really gone. Fast forward to this past Thursday and I was home again. The cramps were keeping me up at night and I couldn’t sleep. Even with the pain meds and a heating pad it was awful. I woke up around 4:00 am on Friday morning and could not go back to sleep. I was in tears the pain was so bad. I woke Sylvia up around 4:45 and asked her to take me into the ER. This was not an easy decision for me, but the pain was horrible.

We woke Jack up and he was put in charge of getting Ethan to school. He was concerned and he stepped up and did a good job while we were gone. We arrived at the hospital and we were taken back to a triage room as soon as we got there. There was only one other patient there besides us! The doctor said it was good I came in because it could be my pancreas or my gall bladder. They took blood and got all of my information. No one asked who Sylvia was, so I finally told the person taking down all of my information. No questions were asked about her being my wife and it was handled just like we were a heterosexual couple. We had always wondered if it would be, and it was.

My bloodwork came back and there was no infection. Everything looked good and the doctor said I was healthy. He said to follow up with my gynecologist. I had talked to them on Thursday and have an appointment for Monday. That was the soonest they could see me. The doctor did give Tylenol with codeine so I took that when we got home (Oh, I did get morphine while at the hospital). I slept pretty much all day yesterday. I took one more tylenol with codeine in the afternoon and then some ibuprofin later. I slept 10 hours and woke up feeling better today. However, I have still had minor cramps and needed some ibuprofin. The cramps have gotten a little worse this evening so I think I will be taking a tyleonol with codeine here in a bit.

Sylvia took very good care of me this whole time. She held my hand when they had to take blood out of the top of my hand….the veins in my arm always roll. She made me go to bed and she took care of Ethan when he came home from school. She even made sure he got to bed on time. Jack was home when we got home from the hospital and was happy to hear all was well. He went off to work and when he came home he helped Sylvia.

I hope to get some answers as to what is going on this coming Monday.

I Hope

I hope that we can survive this year’s presidential election. I hope that Donald Trump is not elected president. He spews hatred from his mouth. He speaks of hatred towards immigrants and people of color. His supporters are full of hate. I hope that people with common sense vote in November and that EVERYONE votes. Every single vote is important. I don’t like to get into discussions about politics. I can’t really tell you who supports what, but I do know that the democrats are much more supportive of LGBT rights as well as women’s rights. I hate to say it, but my dad and stepmom support Trump. I just can’t even get into it with them, because they hate Obama so much and think Trump is awesome.

I hope that we can survive this. I hope that the right person is elected. Everyone has a voice and we all must vote.