That Feeling! That feeling I get when I am with Sylvia. That feeling I get when I think about her, when we are not together. What is THAT FEELING. It is the feeling of love and how does one describe that. It is feeling that is so strong and powerful that I don’t think I can describe it. I have never had that feeling before, except for the feeling of love I have for my children and of course, that is a whole other kind of love.
I thought I had that feeling with my ex-husband, but looking back I don’t think it was this powerful. It is a feeling so strong that it overwhelms me at times. Sylvia had told me this would happen and it did with the Happy Attacks that I have discussed in this blog. Now we call them “moments”. They don’t last as long as the happy attacks did and they don’t overwhelm me as much, but at times, the moment happens when I least expect it and I am not prepared.
Just the other night as we were laying in bed, Sylvia mentioned she would have a late lesson on Thursday evening that wouldn’t end until 9:00. She thought it would be easier for me, if she went home rather than come over late since I get up early each morning. My brain thought this was a good idea, but after just a second or two, my heart took over and I became very sad. I closed my eye and put my head down. I couldn’t even speak. She asked what was wrong, and was so tender with me. She held me and let me talk in my own time. I didn’t want to make her feel bad and then have her say she would come out. I just told her I was saddened that I wouldn’t see her and that the feeling just over took me. She and I spoke some more and I told her it was OK. She then said she would come out and I started to protest and she said, “we intend to live together at some point and if we were living together I would be coming home from work late…..so I’ll come out.” She so completely understood me. She didn’t think I was being silly or unreasonable.
That feeling is what makes me smile all day. It makes me smile when Sylvia texts me and when we talk on the phone. It takes my breath away at times. I feel so safe, loved and secure with her. I am not sure if I am explaining “that feeling” very well, but I did my best. Maybe others who have experienced that feeling can add to this!