Revelations about Myself!

I was thinking about the name of my blog here, “Switching Team, as in deciding to date somone of the same sex” and I began thinking. I didn’t just DECIDE to date someone of the same sex…..I just REALIZED that I wanted to date someone of the same sex. Making that statement that I decided to date a woman, makes it seem like a CHOICE. It wasn’t that I just decided to make the change….I made the choice to accept my feelings and realize that I preferred dating someone of the same sex.

Does all of that make sense? I hope so. I look back to my late teens and early twenties and realize that I have always liked being around other women. I preferred talking to them and having fun with them. I have even had some “girl crushes” that I just brushed off as someone who  I liked, but I was straight! I would marry a man, have children and live happily ever after. Well, at least that is what I thought. I did get married and the first few years were fine, but later I realized something was missing and I didn’t even know what it was.

It wasn’t until after I divorced and the thought of dating again came around, that I realized, that I really didn’t want to be with a man….but did I really want to be with a woman? I wasn’t sure and it took a while for me to make the big leap. Thankfully I went with my feelings and not with what society says it correct. I went to online dating sites and talked to several women and found Sylvia. OH I love her so much. I am so happy and my children are happier because I AM HAPPY. I finally know WHO I am and WHO I am supposed to be.

I think deep down, somewhere in my subconscious, I knew I liked women, but just couldn’t deal with it. I am just glad I finally decided to go with my true feelings and be who I am!

Advertisements

Date Night!

Sylvia and I each started putting $10 in a jar each week a few weeks ago. That way, when we wanted to go out we would have some cash to spend. One of us always picked up the tab when we went out in the past, but this way we know we have the money to go out and we don’t have to figure out who paid last.

We decided to go to a place called The Cotton Patch. We had about a twenty-minute wait and then sat down to a nice dinner. We ordered blackberry clobber for desert. We were both stuffed when we left. We arrived home and found Ethan eating a frozen pizza he had microwaved and cut up himself. That was a first for him and YES I did feed the boys before we left!!

We are now sitting here debating the temperature of the house. Still a sticking point with us, even with the new programmable thermostat, but we are doing better. Sylvia also gave her roommate her 30 days notice and has almost all of her stuff moved in! Things continue to go well and we are both very happy!!!

That feeling!

That Feeling! That feeling I get when I am with Sylvia. That feeling I get when I think about her, when we are not together. What is THAT FEELING. It is the feeling of love and how does one describe that. It is feeling that is so strong and powerful that I don’t think I can describe it. I have never had that feeling before, except for the feeling of love I have for my children and of course, that is a whole other kind of love.

I thought I had that feeling with my ex-husband, but looking back I don’t think it was this powerful. It is a feeling so strong that it overwhelms me at times. Sylvia had told me this would happen and it did with the Happy Attacks that I have discussed in this blog. Now we call them “moments”. They don’t last as long as the happy attacks did and they don’t overwhelm me as much, but at times, the moment happens when I least expect it and I am not prepared.

Just the other night as we were laying in bed, Sylvia mentioned she would have a late lesson on Thursday evening that wouldn’t end until 9:00. She thought it would be easier for me, if she went home rather than come over late since I get up early each morning. My brain thought this was a good idea, but after just a second or two, my heart took over and I became very sad. I closed my eye and put my head down. I couldn’t even speak. She asked what was wrong, and was so tender with me. She held me and let me talk in my own time. I didn’t want to make her feel bad and then have her say she would come out. I just told her I was saddened that I wouldn’t see her and that the feeling just over took me. She and I spoke some more and I told her it was OK. She then said she would come out and I started to protest and she said, “we intend to live together at some point and if we were living together I would be coming home from work late…..so I’ll come out.” She so completely understood me. She didn’t think I was being silly or unreasonable.

That feeling is what makes me smile all day. It makes me smile when Sylvia texts me and when we talk on the phone. It takes my breath away at times. I feel so safe, loved and secure with her. I am not sure if I am explaining “that feeling” very well, but I did my best. Maybe others who have experienced that feeling can add to this!

That’s what you get for dating a woman!

As I said in my previous blog, Sylvia said to me yesterday, “That’s what you get for dating a woman.”, when she asked me if my shirt was clean. That started me thinking. What DO you get for dating a woman….so here is my list and thoughts on the matter!

1. You get someone who really listens to you when you talk! Not just nod and act like she is listening.

2. You get someone who is soft when you cuddle with them.

3. You get to make love and really understand what the other person likes because you have the same “parts” as they do.

4. You get breasts….I have found I love breasts. I love to touch, kiss, and just lay my head between two breasts. I made this discovery about a month ago and so glad I did!

5. You might get someone who tells you to clean your plate! This is a bit of a joke between Sylvia and I. She will watch me eat and if I don’t clean my plate, she will either help me out or just give me a look! I’ll start laughing and usually finish off what is left. I’ll make these huge gestures and get silly with it. We both enjoy this little joke between us.

6. You get someone who you can share clothes with, if you are about the same size and have the same taste in clothes.

7. You get someone else who is hormonal once a month. It took only two months for our periods to start on the same day this month. I was a bit bitchy and she was emotional. Not a great combination for a few days, so we are going to have to work on being a bit extra nice during those days.

8. You can share those monthly supplies if needed. At least you might not get caught out without something. We also help each other remember WHEN that start date is approaching.

9. This hasn’t happened yet, but we figure we will be menopausal together. We are in our 40s so it will happen, just a matter of when and if we will experience it at the same time.

10. ???? I can’t think of a tenth thing right now. Why don’t y’all help me out and post a comment on this subject!

I want to finish with, this list was a bit fun and a bit serious! I have no regrets in “switching teams” and I truly enjoy my relationship with Sylvia. I love her very much!

So, what is it like to date another woman?

So, what is it like to date another woman? Now this is not that question that I said everyone was asking….that was so what is it like to BE WITH/SLEEP with another woman?

Let me see….how is dating a woman different from dating a man? I can’t speak for all women, I guess I can only speak about dating Sylvia, but first and foremost she LISTENS. She actually listens to what I say and REMEMBERS what I talk about. She takes an interest in my work, my life and my children. She TALKS to me and tells me about her day and what is happening with her. Sylvia HELPS me, without having to be asked or bribed to help. She just jumps right in and gives me a hand. I am the same with her.

We text most of the day and keep each other informed of our happenings. Neither of us feels like we are “checking up” on each other. We try to chat at least once during the day, if not more. Both of us drive a lot for our jobs, so we like to be sure the other gets where she is headed.  I have never felt really “taken care of” in other relationships. Sylvia takes care of me emotionally and by just doing things for me.  I also trust her more than I have ever trusted anyone in a relationship. This is important for both of us!

Now of course, the sex life is VERY different, DUH! Let’s just say, I think there is more time taken when we make love, compared to with a man. More give and take, more affection, more intimacy, and more talking! Sylvia and I can spend hours in bed just talking.

The one thing I have had to adjust too, is do I want to have public displays of affection with Sylvia. We do hold hands….that is the most we have done. We have discussed sharing simple kisses in public. As I become more comfortable with who I am, I think this will become easier.

I don’t know if all women are like Sylvia, so some of these things may not apply. However this is what it is like for me to date a woman!

So, What about the kids?

I haven’t written much about my two boys. I really want to keep them out of a lot of this, but I am sure some are wondering HOW I have handled things with them. My older son is over the age of 13 and the younger one is under that age. Of course, both boys knew that Sylvia was spending the night. They saw her at night and usually the next morning. Of course, I could just say she was a good friend spending the night, and that is how I handled it at first.

Some in my family were very concerned about my older son. How would he react? Would it scar him for life? OH my, this just drove me insane. We have a good relationship and he has had several friends with two moms. After a few weeks, I did sit down and have a talk with him. I explained that Sylvia was my girlfriend, much like a man would be my boyfriend. I explained that we were dating. He took it fine and that was that. About a week later, I questioned him about it again and asked if he was fine with me dating Sylvia. He said he was. I then said, “but, you don’t want your friends to know, right?” He replied, “YEA, I don’t want them to know.” I can live with that!

Now my younger son, well he knows Sylvia is here a lot. He really likes her and gives her hugs when she leaves. One morning, when she was leaving, he yelled, “Sylvia, I love you!”. It was very sweet. One day, I asked him if he liked Sylvia. He said he did. I asked him why and he said, “because she is your girlfriend.” That surprised me, so I asked him what that meant. He said, “She is your best friend mom.” Well, that is true, Sylvia is my best friend! I have left it at that for now.

Both boys are happy and I believe it is because I am happier. Sylvia adds balance to my life and gives me good advice about the boys. If I don’t take the advice, she is not offended, but I do listen to all of it. Overall, things are going well with the boys and me dating Sylvia. I couldn’t have asked for it go any smoother than it has.

Baby Girl!

Sylvia and I recently went out to eat at a local restaurant. I live in what some might think is a small town, but we do have 30,000 people in the town. It is a medium size town with a small town feel! Anyway, we went out to eat and as we sat down the waitress came up to us and asked me…What can I get you to drink, baby girl? I almost chuckled, but just said “water, thanks.” She then looked at Sylvia and said, “and for you baby girl?” Sylvia got water also!

When she walked away, Sylvia and I exchanged glances. Now we are in the southern part of the U.S. and hear “sweetie, darling…” and many other terms, but never have I been called BABY GIRL! She continued to call us that throughout the meal. We didn’t mind, thought it was cute, but we still weren’t sure WHY she was using that term!

As we neared the ned of our meal, I reached over and took Sylvia’s hand and then stroked her face. Sylvia smiled and then said, “Oh baby girl(meaning the waitress) is looking over at us.” She wasn’t sure why she was looking at us, and we don’t really think it was WE were together, but we chuckled.

For the rest of the night we called each other baby girl. We still laugh about it every now and then. That is one thing I truly LOVE about Sylvia, we laugh well together! We can also be quite serious together and have very tender, intimate moments together. I never truly knew love could be this good!

New Year’s Eve!

A few weeks before New Year’s Eve, Sylvia had mentioned a local dance for women only that occurs every month. The dance is usually on one  Saturday night each month. For January, they have the dance on New Year’s Eve. We discussed it and decided it would be something we would want to attend. I got busy tracking down a babysitter and found one through a nanny service. Sylvia got busy calling and making us a reservation for the dance. We were both very excited!

New Year’s Eve finally arrived! The dance started at 8:00. The sitter arrived around 7:15 and we left around 7:30! My younger son was excited to have someone to play the Wii with! We arrived at the dance around 8:15. There were many people there and even more came in later! We had brought some waters with us, but no alcohol. We could have brought some, but decided against it. They had a lot of finger foods too.

Both Sylvia and I are quite shy, so we really didn’t dance. I did get up and do a few line dances. It took a while for me to get real comfortable. I mean, I wasn’t uncomfortable, just not as comfortable as I could be. Later, I moved closer to Sylvia and we exchanged a few kisses and held hands. The nicest part of the dance was showing our affection towards each other without anyone staring at us. It was nice seeing other couples together. We enjoyed watching everyone have a good time.

 Sylvia and I had held hands in public, but that is really all we had done. I had actually talked to Sylvia about her feelings about kissing in public. Several times when we had been out, I had wanted to kiss her, just a peck really, but hadn’t. I wasn’t sure how she would feel about it.  She said that kissing her would be fine, but NO making out in public….and well I agreed with that! I was so glad we could discuss these things.

 At midnight we all got a small glass of champagne and Sylvia and I exchanged a huge kiss. It was very nice! We stayed for a bit longer, and then headed home! We got the babysitter on her way and then stayed up longer and brought in the New Year in bed!! It was a nice way to celebrate and I was looking forward to spending 2011 with Sylvia!

The Next Few Weeks!

Sylvia and I were doing well! We saw each other a few times a week and spoke everyday by text and on the phone. She was becoming a big part of my life and I was enjoying her company more and more! She would come and spend the night, leaving early on school mornings before the boys got up.

The next week I was driving for my job and had been texting Sylvia quite a bit. It started to rain and I was driving in some really bad weather and couldn’t text her. The next time I look at my phone, I see that she thinks I am ignoring her and that my short answers to her texts were a concern. She thought I was mad with her. As soon as I got to my destination, I picked up my cell phone to call her. She answered and I said in a very nice and understanding way, “Don’t always assume the worst sweetie, I was driving in some really bad rain.” I was about 60 miles north-east of where she was and there it was not even raining where I was. I didn’t have a lot of time because I was trying to get to a meeting. She thanked me for calling her and reassuring her that everything was OK. I told her I would call her after my meeting. When I called, we talked for a bit and decided that if I was in traffic or in bad weather, I would send a one word text, like “rain” or “traffic” so she would know that I was just unable to text. We were so new to our relationship and learning to trust each other and I was fine with this arrangement! She told me how good it made her feel that I called her and reassured her that everything was fine and that I didn’t get upset with her for misunderstanding her interpretation of what had happened with our texts.

Thanksgiving was approaching and I asked my mom if she could come with me to her house. She lives about 2 1/2 hours away so we would be spending the night. I offered to us to stay in a hotel. Well, that didn’t go well. She had told me she was fine with my change in lifestyle, but now was upset about me wanting to bring Sylvia with me. I relented and decided not to fight this battle. Sylvia supported me on this and said we would have next Thanksgiving  and a year for people to get used to this switch in teams. One thing my mom said was…”You have only known her for a few weeks, do you think you will still be together at Thanksgiving?” This really hurt me. She had no idea how emotionally attached I was to Sylvia and how I was beginning to realize that my life had been a bit of a lie. It wasn’t like I just decided to switch teams, this feeling(looking back now) was always there, I was just never brave enough to act on it!

I called my uncle, who is gay and came out late in life, and we spoke for a long time. He has been a good person for me to talk to. He told me to give my mom time, that she would come around. She loved me, but that IT IS hard for others to understand this change. He also said, that “straight people” just don’t get it when those of us late in life make this change….that we finally find out true selves and how nice it is to be who we are and be free to be who we are. How freeing it is. I also spoke to my sister who is recently divorced and dating a man. My mom was acting about the same with her and her new boyfriend. This made it easier for me to realize it wasn’t that I was dating a woman that freaked out my mom, it was that I was dating!

I survived my three days at my moms, but Sylvia and I spoke daily, in fact several times a day. I drove home on Friday afternoon and she came out that evening! We were looking forward to spending Christmas together.

Meeting Sylvia!

So Sylvia left on that Friday to go and see her friend. We spoke that day by text and later in the evening on the phone. We were both excited about meeting on Sunday! The weekend seemed long to me, so I decided to keep busy. I cleaned the entire house, as much as I could. I even got both bathrooms. Sylvia and I spoke all day by text on Saturday and twice on the phone. I didn’t have any happy attacks that weekend, so that was good!

Sylvia drove home on Sunday morning and we planned on meeting around 1:00 at her place. She has a roommate who was home, so I would pick her up and go to a park. It was a beautiful Fall day and just the right weather to be outside. She texted to let me know she was home. I had told her I really wasn’t sure how I would react when I saw her. Here was someone who I had told I was falling for, and yet had not met her “in person.” I didn’t want to meet at a restaurant or public place, because I didn’t know how things would go. Around 12:30 I started for her place, excited but nervous. I would text her when I got close! The boys were home alone, but the older one is old enough to watch his younger brother who is not that young either!

I drove up to the townhome and Sylvia was outside waiting for me. We had seen pictures of each other so I knew it was her. I pulled up and she walked over and we gave each other a hug. It was nice. We spoke for a few minutes and then left for the park. We were both nervous in the car and exchanged small talk as she directed me to the park. We arrived and decided to walk for a bit, then found a picnic table to sit at and chat. I use sign language in my job and she speaks German, so we talked a lot about languages and our jobs. She taught me some German, which I had taken in high school MANY years ago, and I taught her some signs. We finally looked at the time and we had been there for TWO hours. Time had passed so quickly. We decided to go to a local restaurant and eat. We chatted as we waited for our food and then talked more through dinner.

During dinner, my older son called and the younger one had a LEGO stuck in his teeth. OH my!! I talked to the younger boy and explained I would be home pretty soon and not to panic. He had bitten the Lego trying to separate it from another Lego! The younger boy calmed down and the older one spoke to me again. I was laughing a bit while on the phone and then got to tell Sylvia the story! She thought it was quite funny, too, and later told me she was surprised at how calm I stayed. That I didn’t panic and say I must leave right away. Within another five minutes the older boy called me back to tell me that the Lego was out of his brother’s teeth!

We drove back to Sylvia’s place and sat in the car and talked. Sylvia took my hand and we held hands as we talked. I needed to get home, it was getting late in the afternoon and I needed to grab some dinner for the boys and then take my younger son out for Halloween. I really wanted to give her a kiss though and was hoping she might “make the first move”, but we just continued to chat and hold hands. I finally asked if I could kiss her and she answered with a “yes”. I leaned over as did she and we exchanged a kiss and several more kisses. They were simple kisses, if you get my drift, and what I needed to “start with” as you might say. I gave her a final hug and promised to call her that night after I got my younger son to bed….I would text her when I got home so she would know I had made it safely home!

I drove home very excited and happy. I really liked Sylvia and felt I had made a connection with her. She was in no hurry to rush a relationship, but rather let it develop over time at whatever pace we chose to take. We knew we wanted to see each other again and would soon set that up!