Carol on DVD

carol

I went out and purchased the movie Carol on Blu-Ray today. I had seen it back in December, but I wanted to see it again and not just rent it. I watched this afternoon and enjoyed it as much as I did the first time. Seeing it for the second time allowed me to notice some details I had missed before. At the end, after Carol tells Therese she loves her and the gentleman walks up, Carol puts her hand on Therese’s shoulder. She tells them both to have a good time. I had not noticed Therese’s facial expression and how she closed her eyes when Carol touched her. I think she was surprised at how she felt when Carol touched her shoulder. She had been strong and was putting on that she was over Carol, but she wasn’t. The scenes of them in the car together when they are travelling are also well done. I was also more aware of how they looked at each other during the whole movie.

Another interesting scene was when they went to dinner together at the restaurant in the hotel in Chicago. The hostess asked them how many were eating and Carol answered with “two”. The hostess then asked what room they were in and Therese said “room 602 Mrs. Adair”. Carol then winked at Therese. In doing this, it seemed to me, that Therese was making it seem like she worked for Carol, because she called her by her last name. Carol got what she was doing and winked at her. It wasn’t like they were officially “together” yet, but Therese knew that it may seem odd for two women to be traveling together and going to dinner. That is my take on it anyway.

The first time Carol and Therese kiss was an amazing scene. I noticed a bit more when watching it today. I am not going to go into details, but just how they looked at each other. It was amazing how they trusted each other. The touch on the shoulder and then Therese taking Carol’s hand while it was on her shoulder. They each took a chance, because one of them could have backed out and said they were not interested in the other. When Therese later went to sleep in the second bed when they were back in Chicago and Carol said she didn’t have to sleep there. At that point, it seemed like Therese really needed Carol. I know that feeling, because I felt and still feel that way about Sylvia. I remember her holding me and cuddling at night. I felt so safe and so loved, and still do. I was still new to identifying myself as a lesbian, and needed to be taken care of.

I also thought the conversation that Therese had with her then boyfriend was interesting. She knew there was something between her and Carol, but she wasn’t sure. I also wonder if the two women in the record store were lesbians. She noticed them and they noticed her. She knew that homosexuality was out in the world, but she had never experienced it, just heard about it. It was brave of her to just talk to her boyfriend about it. Of course, I think he was more invested in the relationship than she was, even before she met Carol.

I am sure there are some things I haven’t mentioned, but these were the scenes that stood out to me. These were the things I didn’t notice when I first watched it. It is an excellent love story and very well done.

I Just Ordered a New Book

I just ordered a book titled Switching Teams. Here is a link to the book http://switchingteams.com/index.php/about-the-book/ and also to the author’s own blog titled Switching Teams. I can’t wait to read the book. The author’s story is similar to mine but different in many ways. I have been out for a little over five years, but I still find myself intrigued by other people’s stories of coming out, especially those coming out late in life. We live in such a different time now and I wonder if we will have people who come out late in life in the future. Will they feel more comfortable coming out at a younger age? Will we have more homosexual couples and families with same sex parents? The LGBT community has more rights than we used to, but we need to remain vigilant that we don’t let the lawmakers take away our rights, or hinder us from further rights.

I hope to get the book in the mail by early next week. I’ll let you know how it is!

The Cats out of the Bag!

Sylvia, Jack, Ethan and I all went to my mother’s house today for Thanksgiving. My brother was there with his wife and two kids, my niece who is 11 and my nephew who is 5. My sister was there with her son, who is 12. Most of us sat around and played 20 questions. Jack, who is 19, played the game with us and the other kids played a different board game. At some point the 12 year old went and got his laptop and was playing on it. My 11 year old niece was at the table watching us play and helping her mom! We finished playing and got out some cards that are conversation starters. The kids were able to participate. Some of the conversation starters were things like “what has been the most technological advancement in your life” or “what was your best vacation”. It was fun and it did generate conversations! One of the cards said, “what makes your family different” to which Jack pointed to Sylvia and said she is from Europe and mom is an American. I then mouthed to everyone, “well and we are lesbians” and chuckled. Jack then says OUTLOUD, “AND they are lesbians.” I just start laughing and then said, “well there you go, now it is officially out for the kids”. Everyone laughed. My sister looked at her son and said, “did you know?” and he replied “well I figured”. We then looked at my niece who is 11 and she smiled. I am not sure if she quite got it and I figured her mom could explain later! We have never made a big deal about it and I figured the kids would put it all together on their own. Poor Jack just turned red and said, “well it isn’t a big deal to me or my generation” and I agree! I wasn’t upset with him and neither were his two aunts. The conversation starter did what it was supposed to do….generated a good conversation!

Civil Rights

I am really getting tired of people talking about Kim Davis and her religious freedom. I know I add fuel to the fire by writing about her and I am giving her the attention she wants, but it has just gone too far. She is in jail because she won’t do her job. She chose to work for the government and took an oath to fulfill her responsibilities as a county clerk, which means issuing marriage licenses. Now maybe she wasn’t keeping current with the current political arena and gay marriage, or maybe she just thought it would never happen, but it did. She spent two months arguing her case and she lost. The Supreme Court will not intervene and the governor of her state will not call a special session to change the law. I believe there are two other county clerks who state that they will not issue marriage licenses to same sex couples, but they have not been sued…yet.

I watched the preview for the movie “Suffragette” and I realized that groups of people have been fighting for equal rights for a VERY long time. It was only in 1919, which is just about 100 years ago that women in America were allowed to vote. “Suffragette” is about the struggle for women to vote in England, but it doesn’t matter where the movie is set, it is about the struggle of a group to have the right to be treated fairly and equally as the majority group. Women were hit by men, thrown in jail, and had their children taken away from them. I cannot imagine how hard this fight was for them. It was not easy, and yet women today have more rights because of this struggle and women are still not always treated equally in the workforce, but they now at least have the right to sue if they can prove it.

In the 1950s and 1960s African-American fought for equal rights. They were also beaten, spit upon, threatened, killed and harassed, yet they prevailed. It was not easy and yet they did it, because it was right and our Constitution says, “ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL”. Is it all fair in America now…no, but it is better than it used to be and all minority groups stand together to ensure that all groups are treated equally, no matter their color or gender.

We then move to the 1990s and the passage of the American’s with Disabilities Act that protects disabled people from discrimination and ensures equal access for all. We now have buildings that must meet requirements for access to buildings with ramps and elevators and I am sure LOTS of other things, but they are there. Interpreters are required for the deaf, but many still have to fight for this right. There are rules about hotels having handicap accessible rooms and so on. This didn’t just happen because the government thought it was the right thing to do, it happened because this group fought for their rights. It happened because “ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL”. Some would say that it isn’t fair that people with disabilities get “special” treatment, but it isn’t. It is about leveling the playing field for all.

Now we have same sex marriage and this just didn’t happen overnight. This has been a long hard battle, and I am not one to try to go back and discuss what all has happened. I have only known my true self for five years, so I don’t pretend to know what it is like to be discriminated against because of my sexual orientation. I do know that I will not be treated differently because I am gay. I will not let someone hide behind their religions freedom and take away MY CIVIL RIGHTS. People in this country are allowed to practice whatever religion they like, as long as it doesn’t infringe on others most basic civil rights. Would the Christians in this country be as apt to stand behind Kim Davis if she were a Muslim crying religious freedom, a Jew, a Buddhist?? I doubt it.

I don’t pretend to be an activist. I don’t pretend to know how to write eloquently. However, I do know that the Founding Fathers wrote the US Constitutions and it has stood for over 200 years as the law of this land with only 28 amendments (I think that is right!). The Constitution has not changed much since it was written, but the interpretation of it has changed because TIMES have changed. My sons’ generation will not tolerate those who seek to discriminate based on sexual orientation….because they are growing up with it. Times change, beliefs change and that is not a bad thing……Those who don’t like change would still like to see segregated communities, no interracial marriage, and women the property of their husbands or fathers.

I don’t think Kim Davis is a bad person, but I think she has chosen to fight for a cause that has no merit in the law….and too many people just can’t see that.

What to do?

My dad usually calls me for any summer type of holiday and invites the family over to swim. Sometimes we go, sometimes we don’t. It just depends on what we are doing, but I always get the phone call. This year I didn’t get the phone call. I haven’t spoken to my dad since the Supreme Court decided their ruling on same-sex marriage. Am I reading too much into this? I don’t know. My former mother-in-law (ex-husband’s mother) texted me and congratulated me on the Supreme Court decision. My mom was with me out of state and was quite excited. She even said she had a ring I could use when I ask Sylvia to marry me, or when Sylvia asks me!! My grandmother was quite excited as well.

My dad posts three not so nice posts on Facebook that I blogged about a few days ago. I wrote my opinion back to him and then silence between us. I have never believed in just cutting a family member out of your life, but at this point, I won’t be the first one to make the move. It shouldn’t always have to be me. If he truly is Christian then he can make the first move. Am I being childish? Possibly. I feel like this is something I have to do for myself and for Sylvia. She won’t even go to his house anymore. The last time he was here for Ethan’s birthday back in April, he had a conversation with Sylvia. Now she is from Germany and grew up listening to the Holocaust stories. She knows how bad it was and how it has been something that all Germans have to deal with and hear about. My dad actually said to her that we should kill all the Muslims….all of them, even children. She told me this after he left. Now, he shouldn’t be saying that to anyone, but especially to someone who has had the guilt of the Holocaust put upon her since she can remember. I was flabbergasted that he would do that. I don’t know what has happened to him. I don’t know much about the Bible, but I do know. “let he without sin cast the first stone” (or something close to that) and he has sinned. He goes to church every Sunday and chastises me for not going when he gets a chance. He doesn’t live a Christian life when he speaks with words of hate. I cannot tolerate it anymore. I won’t be this “kid” at the age of 48 who doesn’t stand up to her own father. He is wrong and his is SO wrong and he can’t even see it. For now, I am just not going to talk to him. It will come to a head sooner or later and it may not be pretty.

Marriage!

Sylvia and I were laying in bed talking last night. I love it when we have time to just lay in bed and talk. We have talked marriage, and I said something about asking her to marry me and she said, “well what if I want to ask YOU?” I know that even in heterosexual relationships that the woman can ask the man to marry her. It does happen, just not very often. The other question I have is, lets say I am the one do the asking, and I get her a ring (well, really a necklace or something, she doesn’t like rings and I am not sure she will compromise on this) then do I buy myself a ring when I purchase her jewelry. I mean, I know when my now ex-husband asked me to marry him he had a ring, and then we chose his wedding band and my wedding band to go with my engagement ring. There is no right or wrong way, I am sure, but I am curious as to what others have done. If she asks me or I ask her, it really doesn’t matter, and really jewelry doesn’t make the marriage, it is the love, but I would like to hear from others.

Right now, I wear an Infinity ring from John Avery and she wears the matching necklace. I do plan on asking her sometime this year, and hope we get married in 2016. We shall see! We then have to decide about our last names. I could easily give up my last name, because it is my ex-husband’s name, I just hate having a different last name than my kids. It can be awkward when it comes to school things, but then again, straight couples deal with this issue too. I would love to take Sylvia’s last name, but we will talk about it and see. I do NOT want a hyphenated last name…no way! I am OUT at work to my boss and to HR, so that isn’t the issue….it is being out with everyone else…parents of my students and even my students possibly. They would ask about the name change, I tell them I remarried, then the….”OH WHERE DID YOU MEET HIM, or OH WHAT DOES HE DO?” I then say, “well she…..” and there you go. I don’t think anyone will really care, but there is always that chance of ONE person being a jerk about it. Hell, my own father is a jerk about it.

These are all decisions that will come in the next year or so….nothing has to be decided now. Please do give me some feedback!

My Dad

I was out of town last week when the Supreme Court decision was handed down legalizing same-sex marriage. Of course, I spent a lot of time checking out the social media and reading posts on Facebook. Ethan, my mom and I had driven to see my grandmother (my mom’s mom) and spend a few days with the family. She is 89 years old and I had not seen her in three years. I saw both positive and negative posts on Facebook and kept up with what was happening in Texas. On Saturday, my dad posted three things that I responded too. One post stated he supported Traditional Marriage, the second one stated that the Supreme court had made the wrong decision, and the third was that he missed the “old America” and wished she would return. I wrote a post on each of these stating that I planned to marry Sylvia sometime in the future, and I guessed he would not be attending and that he must only follow the doctrine he likes, since he divorced my mother and cheated on her. Another was that the Supreme Court made the right decision and that we ALL deserved to be treated equally. The post on missing the “old America” I responded with, “so I guess we should reinstate segregation, take the vote away from women, and stick disabled kids in the corner of the classroom and not teach them”. He hasn’t responded to any of my posts and I have not talked to him since the Supreme Court decision was announced.

Now, I love my father, but he is a racist and a bigot. I have told him that on the phone before when he told me “I accept you and Sylvia, but I don’t approve of the lifestyle”. I told him there were no “buts” when it came to loving someone. I am not sure what will happen from here. I am 48 years old and I would like to be treated with some respect and accepted for WHO I am. He has done a few other things that are just ridiculous when it some to me and Sylvia. I won’t be treated like a second class citizen by anyone, especially family. I am going to just wait and see when HE decides to call me about something and see how it plays out.

What a Day!

My oldest, Jack, graduated from high school yesterday. It was an amazing day with family and friends. Jack went to prom with a girl, Nancy, a few weeks ago. They have gone on several dates and been hanging out quite a bit. Just recently, they shared that they are boyfriend and girlfriend! Nancy went to the graduation ceremony with us yesterday and came back for the party. We had about 20 people at the house. We had sandwiches, chips, drinks and a delicious cake!

Jack had to ride the bus to the event center where graduation was being held. Nancy rode with Ethan, Sylvia and me! We chatted on the way and the college Jack will be attending came up. Nancy stated that Jack was worried about her ex, because he would not be around when school started back up. She is a junior and has one more year of school. I said something like, “don’t worry about it, we will help you take care of him if Jack isn’t around.” She replied with, “OH it is a girl.” I can’t say I wasn’t shocked, because I was. I was surprised that she just told us, like it was no big deal, because really it isn’t a big deal. I then said, “So I guess it didn’t bother you when Jack told you he lived with two moms” and she said, “yea, it didn’t bother me at all.” She is a very outspoken young lady, but not rude, and seems very confident. Jack and Nancy are very cute together, and he is so happy! After everyone left I told Jack that Nancy had shared with us that her ex was a girl. He said, “yea, she is bi.” I said, “Oh, interesting” and left it at that. I am glad we can at least have these conversations. I am very glad to see that this generation doesn’t seem to have an issue with people’s sexuality. Let’s just say, all of this made for a very interesting day! I am just glad Jack was happy at graduation and is happy in general! That is all I really want…and for him to graduate from college and get a job! ha!

Faking It–MTV 5/13/14

I watched the latest episode of FAKING IT on MTV this past week. I have to say, I am still liking this series. I did not come out as a teenager, but rather has a 43 year old woman. However, when I finally realized that I liked girls, all I wanted to do was KISS a girl to see if that FELT right to me. This latest episode, with Amy wanting to find a girl to date, reminded me of those feelings I had when I began my journey. Amy just wants to know for sure, so she wants to kiss a girl, or at least date a girl that will lead to a kiss. However, she really LIKES her best friend who is faking being a lesbian and her girlfriend. OH, how confusing this all was.

The first time I met Sylvia, we kissed, but it was just what I would call a friendly kiss. It was just a “peck”. It wasn’t until we met the second time that we really KISSED and I did like it. Sylvia and I did not RUSH into anything, and she let me lead the way since I was the newbie, but she was supportive through all of it and still is. I will keep watching FAKING IT, to see where it goes. It may be a lot of fluff, but I still like it.

MTV’s new series “Faking It”

I just watched the new MTV series “Faking It” after recording last night on my DVR. The premise is that two teenage girls are not popular with any of the “clicks” in high school. When people think they are secretly girlfriends (lesbians), they become very popular. They then decide to “fake it” and keep it up that they are lesbians. I have to say it kept my interest and I found it rather interesting. I am 47 years old, but any show with possible lesbians keeps me interested. I am curious to see how it all plays out. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone, so I won’t post about last night’s episode. Let me know what you think of it, if you watched it, and if you haven’t, you might want to check it out!