So When did you know you were a lesbian? This is the question I have been asked the most often since coming out to my family and friends. Every person I have told has asked me this question and it is not an easy one to answer. When did I know? How did I decide? First, it is not a decision, it just is what it is! When did I know, now that is a hard one to answer, but does it really matter. I know now!
It has made me think though about me switching teams. I have had homosexual friends since college. It has never bothered me that they were gay. I even had a few of them tell me they would like to date, but I said no, I was straight.
I have heard rumors that others around me were homosexuals, and really it wasn’t my business so I never let it cloud my idea of them. I was married at 25, became a mother at 29 and again at 34. I was fairly happy in the bedroom with my husband. He was a good lover, but looking back now, I never felt complete. He walked out on me after almost 17 years of marriage. I was devastated. I didn’t know if I would ever date anyone again. After a year(this was summer 2010), I decided to date again and made contact with a few men through some free dating sites. The idea of dating a woman had been whirling around in my head for several months prior to this. After talking to a few men online, I just said to myself, “you need to give this idea of dating a woman a chance.” I spoke to an uncle who came out late in life and decided to go for it. I haven’t looked back since.
Now that is the complicated answer. Most times, I tell people, “I think the idea has always been there, however when I was growing up homosexuality wasn’t discussed. I never saw it as an option. I just did what everyone else did. Now I know who I really am and I am happier than I have been in a long time.”
Now what about the AND….in the title of my blog. Now the second question I have been asked the most is….”were you nervous to BE with a woman/sleep with a woman.” Now really that isn’t anyone’s business. I usually just say YES and leave it at that. I wouldn’t discuss my love life with them if it were a man I was dating, so why should I share what it is like to be with a woman.
I have only come out to family and a few friends. As I said, I haven’t decided who else I will come out or IF I will even come out to them….will they ask these same questions. I’ll be curious to see……if I am brave enough.