I explained my “happy attacks” as Sylvia and I called them back in another post. They occurred when I was overwhelmed by missing her or just by “this” whole new part of my life. They happened quite a bit at first during those first few weeks, but by the time Thanksgiving had come and gone they had lessened quite a bit.
One of the more severe attacks happened while driving from one city to another for my job. In the city I started in, I lost all cell phone reception for the majority of the time I was there. I couldn’t even really text and for whatever reason on this particular day it bothered me that I couldn’t text or call Sylvia if I wanted to. As I was driving back to my office, I started to become so overwhelmed that I had to pull over and call her. She immediately knew something was wrong by the way I sounded on the phone. We talked for about 30 minutes before I could get back on the road again. I just needed to hear her voice and know that she was there for me. It might sound strange, but this feeling of love I had with her was so different from any other feeling I had had. I told her once that I had watched movies about people falling in love and never really “GOT IT” until now. I never knew that kind of love could exist, until now!
As I said, this lessened over time, but then I started having these “moments” as we called them when we were together. One night, after making love, I just started crying in her arms. She really wasn’t sure what was wrong and thought I was changing my mind or that I was upset with her. Once I calmed a bit and could talk explain myself, I told her that for the first time I really felt like I was being ME! Even as a kid I had found it hard to fit in and now I knew why. I had not been true to myself, but at the time I guess I wasn’t ready to face who I really was. Again, over time these lessened and now I may just want her to hold me as I breathe and calm myself. I don’t cry like I did in the beginning. These episodes were very therapeutic for me though, in that I got a lot of pent up feelings that I never knew I had OUT of my system. I dealt with things I didn’t even know were an issue for me! It was liberating to now BE who I was always supposed to BE.
Sylvia had been through many of these same emotions so she could relate to how I was feeling. She shared with me that she would have her own version of a “happy attack”, but they were not as overwhelming as mine had been because she had dealt with these feelings in the past. She had also not wanted to tell me about them right away, but wanted to allow me to have my moments and get through them. She wanted to be there for me and take care of me. How nice is that? Her love for me washed over me every time I talked or was with her. It was so nice to be with someone who got ME and wanted to take care of me, someone who would also let me take care of them if needed. We both have this emotional attachment to each other that both of us thinks is so important to sustaining our relationship and something we both agree needs to be nurtured an cared for.
I am glad that Sylvia let me have my happy attacks and moments with her. I am sure I will have other moments as our relationship grows!